The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it. Sometimes love blinds us, other times it let’s us see
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Still Don't Understand
It has been almost 8 months, and it seems like it was just yesterday. The pain is not getting better it seems to get worse by the day....I know we are not suppose to question god, or be Angry at him....but sometimes that is very,very HARD
On Friday Feb. 25 ,2011 my little sister was not feeling well...she went to the E.R. at Summit Hospital thinking she had the flu ... she was admitted with Pneumoina in her left lung. and low potassium.They started treating her with antibiotics..telling her, and my parents she would be released on Sunday...That was not to be...Saturday morning she had a stroke...still to this day the Dr.'s cannot explain this.....My mom called me, I will never forget I was at Thornton'sin Hermitage,Tn with Scotty getting gas...My mom told me "They think your sister has had a stroke,Please come to the Hospital" I rushed there..She was having a MRI...and true to form being herself had to be sedated...she never could sit still..After a few hours the Neurologist came in ...she had infact had a acute ischemic stroke..they told us she could be totally, or partially paralized...but at that time they expected her to recover. ...Sunday night she was doing better..she was up watching T.V. I told her before I left to come home for the night that I loved her..THANK GOD I told her...she said she loved me too We texted off and on all night Sunday...me telling her how much I loved her, how I wanted her to get better, so we could do things together..spend time doing more things..I wanted her to know how much I loved her..We last texted at 12:45 a.m. I told her I'd see her in a few hours expecting to be back at the hospital at 8am Monday when the CCU floor opened..I got a call around7:30 am from my mom Her brain was swelling, and she had a massive seizure...they were rushing her into emergency surgery for a craniotomy...this allows for removal of a portion of the skull to allow the brain room to swell.The surgery was a disaster, she for all real purpose died on the table..The piece of SHIT doctor.. Jack Kruse did not even have the decency, the compassion to come out and meet with the family..he called on the phone into the CCU waiting area and spoke with my motherON THE PHONE...his words to her??? "well I did all I could but the situation is pretty hopeless..and I'm not a betting man...but if i were, I'd tell you she is not going to make it"I was destroyed, this had to be a nightmare...but I could not wake up..Icould barley stand up, my knees buckled under my weight and Scotty and Stephanie had to hold me up.I called Stacey my neighbor...having lost her sister to a massive stroke 15 years ago, I needed to hear her voice...needed comfort from someone who had been in my shoes.It was at this time I noticed two missed txt messages...from my sister...they were from 6:25, and 6:28 AM Monday morning..one was just the letter A and her signature...the second was just her signature...even now 8 months later, I wonder...was she trying to tell me she needed help?? 4 hours after her surgery she was pronounced Brain dead...at 6:15pm Monday Feb. 28,2011 my little sister got her Angel wings.the next few minutes,hours ,days ..and weeks were, and still are a blur to me. We decided to donate her organs,so she had to be kept on "Life support" until wed. March 2nd so the people getting her organs, and the 4 teams of doctorstransplanting them could be lined up...
My parents had to take care of legal issues Tuesday reguarding her 6 year old son..So tuesday I spent the day in bed with my little sister, who for all intents and purposes was already an Angel...only her boday reamined...because it still had work to do..I told her again how much I loved her, and would miss her..On Wed. March 3,2011 at 10:30 AM I let go of my sisters hand...said see you when I get there...and watched her be taken into a surgery room where she would save 3 lives...This will not however, be the last time I see her...for I know she is waiting for me...In a place far better than this earth
On Friday Feb. 25 ,2011 my little sister was not feeling well...she went to the E.R. at Summit Hospital thinking she had the flu ... she was admitted with Pneumoina in her left lung. and low potassium.They started treating her with antibiotics..telling her, and my parents she would be released on Sunday...That was not to be...Saturday morning she had a stroke...still to this day the Dr.'s cannot explain this.....My mom called me, I will never forget I was at Thornton'sin Hermitage,Tn with Scotty getting gas...My mom told me "They think your sister has had a stroke,Please come to the Hospital" I rushed there..She was having a MRI...and true to form being herself had to be sedated...she never could sit still..After a few hours the Neurologist came in ...she had infact had a acute ischemic stroke..they told us she could be totally, or partially paralized...but at that time they expected her to recover. ...Sunday night she was doing better..she was up watching T.V. I told her before I left to come home for the night that I loved her..THANK GOD I told her...she said she loved me too We texted off and on all night Sunday...me telling her how much I loved her, how I wanted her to get better, so we could do things together..spend time doing more things..I wanted her to know how much I loved her..We last texted at 12:45 a.m. I told her I'd see her in a few hours expecting to be back at the hospital at 8am Monday when the CCU floor opened..I got a call around7:30 am from my mom Her brain was swelling, and she had a massive seizure...they were rushing her into emergency surgery for a craniotomy...this allows for removal of a portion of the skull to allow the brain room to swell.The surgery was a disaster, she for all real purpose died on the table..The piece of SHIT doctor.. Jack Kruse did not even have the decency, the compassion to come out and meet with the family..he called on the phone into the CCU waiting area and spoke with my motherON THE PHONE...his words to her??? "well I did all I could but the situation is pretty hopeless..and I'm not a betting man...but if i were, I'd tell you she is not going to make it"I was destroyed, this had to be a nightmare...but I could not wake up..Icould barley stand up, my knees buckled under my weight and Scotty and Stephanie had to hold me up.I called Stacey my neighbor...having lost her sister to a massive stroke 15 years ago, I needed to hear her voice...needed comfort from someone who had been in my shoes.It was at this time I noticed two missed txt messages...from my sister...they were from 6:25, and 6:28 AM Monday morning..one was just the letter A and her signature...the second was just her signature...even now 8 months later, I wonder...was she trying to tell me she needed help?? 4 hours after her surgery she was pronounced Brain dead...at 6:15pm Monday Feb. 28,2011 my little sister got her Angel wings.the next few minutes,hours ,days ..and weeks were, and still are a blur to me. We decided to donate her organs,so she had to be kept on "Life support" until wed. March 2nd so the people getting her organs, and the 4 teams of doctorstransplanting them could be lined up...
My parents had to take care of legal issues Tuesday reguarding her 6 year old son..So tuesday I spent the day in bed with my little sister, who for all intents and purposes was already an Angel...only her boday reamined...because it still had work to do..I told her again how much I loved her, and would miss her..On Wed. March 3,2011 at 10:30 AM I let go of my sisters hand...said see you when I get there...and watched her be taken into a surgery room where she would save 3 lives...This will not however, be the last time I see her...for I know she is waiting for me...In a place far better than this earth
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