Miranda Lambert - Over You

The Unknown Soldiers: By His Side

The Unknown Soldiers: By His Side: Image courtesy: Melissa Jarboe It's been almost a year since Army Sgt. Jamie Jarboe was shot by an enemy sniper in a tiny southern Afghanis...

Here Comes Goodbye

Feeling so great...I could almost swear I was gone from this earth...gone from all the worries,the sadness...the PAIN...then out of the blue CRASH!! POW!! I am slapped  dead in the face by the reality that my little sister is gone....As of today we  are 7 days away from when she got her wings at 6:15 pm..on Feb. 28,2011...The hardest thing I have ever in my life been through was watching as they checked for vital signs,tested her for some response to the "test" as they called it...that they were doing to see if any brain activity at all was detected..there was none...




AS I sat there on her bed..holing her hand, begging her to come back to me...I felt a part of myself die with her...This was someone who had been a part of my everyday life for 27 years....27 short years...not enough time for me...She had left me all alone...thoughts  just kept repeating...racing through my mind they wouldn't stop....I could not shut it off....no matter how hard I tried...My little sister was gone,and she was not coming back....at least not in this lifetime....

Whitney had deciced to donate her organs while she was alive...signing the papers when she turned 18..Just like me. She was able to give the gift of life to three people who without her selfless act may have left this world also...Her  liver ,both kidneys,and her pancreas..and her HEART...that golden heart..that heart who would give her last of anything to anyone who ask for it...even if she really wanted it for herself..she would give it to you if you ask for it...that heart still beats today...even in  death she gave to others...I think back on our childhood, things we did,places we wnt...the day she told me she was pregnant ....Now I cherish every single memory I have..I am also so very thankful that the last words we said to each other was I love you..Tuesday March 1 2011 I spent the day in bed beside my sister...telling her I loved her...holding her hand...yes she had already been pronounced dead, but she was on life support waiting for them to line up the people who would get her organs..I talked to her all day....and I know she heard every word I said...I held her hand and talked to her about our childhood...I cried,and cried..Wed. March 2, 2011  was the day her organ donation surgery was schedlued...I stayed right there holding her hand...not wanting to let go...afraid to let go...afraid of goodbye...I could not let go...finally the time came, I had no choice I had to let go so she could go and save the lives of 3 other souls on this earth so that theit families would not have to deal with, at least not right now, the unbearable pain I was in..Once she was taken form the room...we were given a second to hug,cry,and grieve in her room.....Then we had to leave...walking down the hall, I collapsed .   Scotty caught me before I hit the floor and held me,let me scream,cry, yell...I  could barley breathe...the next few days were a BLUR ...I know family came in, calles,visited,ask if they could do anything...I only know this because people have told me this is how it happened....It still does not seem real...the viewing, the funeral...all seem like a bad movie that you just cant stop watching...you keep rewinding it...it replays in your head daily...there is a huge hole in my heart...it will never heal...it DOES NOT get easier..if anything it gets harder...especially when i look at her son...who looks and acts just like her...I know they say time heals all  wounds but this awful,terriblewound will never,ever heal...

WELL HERE IT COMES....LIKE A TRAIN YOU SEE COMING BUT KNOW YOU CAN'T STOP

As I write these words....I am just 18 days away from the 1 year anniversary of my sisters untimley passing....i can't seem to do anything but cry...and think of all the things I REGRET.... the last CHRISTmas my sister was alive...she was living in HELL in Columbia...she was not allowed to have the gifts that my parents sent her, I didn't send anything...a regret I carry ...very heavy today...just a few  day ago I could do nothing but cry,cry,cry...because all I could think was how if I knew it was her last CHRISTmas I would have given her ANYTHING she wanted...I would give ANYTHING to change that now...I KNOW she knew I loved her...but that does not ease my pain at all.....not one bit!!


"But When I get Where I'm Goin and iI See My Maker's Face I'llStand Froever In The Light Of His Amazing Grace"


All I can really do now..is make sure her son knows how much I LOVE him , and how much his momma loved him...how she fought to get him away from the HELL they were in....How she called me, and ask me to come "rescuse" her...how the morning I was coming  she called me every 5 minutes...in ture Whitney form...to see where I was...Dear God...had I known then she only had 45 more days left on this earth I would have BEGGED her to stay with me....How can we anticipate whate God....or whoever is out there has instore for us around the next corner? Tell people you love them...or you don't ...no matter how you feel..let them know because in the blink of an eye they...or you...can be gone...and then it is ALL TOO LATE!!! THERE ARE NO SECOND CHANCES ...NONE AT ALL...JUST REGRET....AND IT WILL KILL YOU!!

Just a few picutres from my trip home that I played with...

~~Meet My Family~~

Well I  went back "Home" yesterday......no matter how long I am in Nashville ~~~Harriman will always, always be home....I stopped by to see a dear friend....Emily G Feaster...I have not seen her since August when she drove all the way to Nashville to give blood at the Blood Drive I organized for my late sisters memory in August....She is the type of friend that you are only blessed with a few times in life...

I have been fortunate enough to have  3 of them...Dawn my BFF from highschool who sadly passed away in 2001....Emily..who I have known since Highschool...and Stephanie Miller...the sister God gave me. Emily made me this in memory of my little sister

..

it is no secret my first stop was at my aunt Sissy's house.  

it was the unexpected death of her son.....my dear sweet cousin Bruce that brought me home this time...not a good reason to go home...but I had to be there...no matter what I was gonna be there...having been through 8 funerals last year...this is not how   I wanted to start out in 2012..but God's plan is very seldom our plan..!!
 

Garrett...Bruce's youngest son...who looks so very much like his father...it is just uncanny...he has a heart of gold and is so very sweet..I hope to get closer to this young man as he grows older..

He wrote a poem for his daddy ...and gave me a copy of it to bring home..it is the sweetest thing...I can't imagine what HELL he is going through right now...having lost his daddy...but I can tell you he is one special young man...

I got to see my cousin Jalynn..who I haven't seen since the summer when Justen went to spend a week with Aunt Sissy...Growing up she and I were more like sisters than cousins...doing so much stuff together. and having the occasional knock down..drag out fight...but 10 minutes later ..we were fine again..but that is just the Love we have for each other..and the bond that ties us together..and now we have something in common that I would not wish on my worst enemy...we have both lost a sibling...however she has lost 2 of them in 5 years...breaks my heart...but..I love this girl so much there is nothing I would not do for her...and I know she feels the same way I love love love her..........

.......even though she tried to hide from my camera...to no avail!! She always looks great in photos....but she was worried cuz her face was a lil'  red where we had all been crying at the beautiful service we had just left for Bruce...I got my picture anyway!! J ~ I love you....you know  that!!!

Before we went to the funeral home....I went to Chuck's Deli...oh how I have missed that place..best burgers I have ever had in my life...I took Mnazia with me....Jalynn's oldest daughter..her and Justen were born 3 months apart..she is such a beautiful girl...and so much like her momma...

Little Indyia is jalynn's youngest..she is a spitfire if i ever seen one...got a mouth like her momma.....and that can be both good and bad....just like having a mouth like me...she is so so very smart...and sweet too...as long as you don't mess with her...Love these kiddos...I hate that I missed having my photos made with Mat..jalynn's oldest child...who is expecting her first grandchild with his girlfriend Lexi

And who can forget ELIZABETH I can't call her Beth....no matter how hard I try...lol she will always be Elizabeth to me..I have known her since I was little, I use to love going to her parents house..they were like adopted grandparents to me growing up since I lost all of mine but one by the time  I was 5...I can say this..she is one person who in 20 years has not changed one bit at all....

Please keep this dear sweet boy in your prayers...I hugged his brother Gentry...who I didn't get a pic with sadly..as he was leaving...and told him " I love ya Gentry..if you need anything I'm here"  Garrett heard me...and said..."What, you don't love me...?" I was like "Hell YES baby I love you" he then gave me one of the tightest...best...sweetest hugs I have had in a long long time..he is gonna stay with his nanny...my sweet Aunt sissy...who has spent the last 33 years(probbaly longer, but im only 33 so i don't remember b4 1978)taking care of everyone .except herself...now it is time for her to do that!1 And jalynn and I are gonna make sure she does that...make sure Sissy takes care of Sissy for once....so please keep them in your prayers...as our family will need them in the coming months...and years.. 

~~~~~~~The poem Garrett wrote his father~~~~~~~~~~


 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Gone But Not Forgotten~~~~~~~

We sat beside your bedside
Our hearts were crushed and sore
We did our best, til the end
Til we could do no more
In tears we watched you sinking
We watched you fade away
And though our hearts were breaking
We knew you couldn't stay
you left behind some aching hearts
That loved you most sincere
We never shall,and never will
Forget you Father dear
By: Garrett Lee Kittrell


In Memory of his father Garry Bruce Kittrell
April 1,1965----January 8,2012

Words I Couldn't Say

Theres a rain that will never stop fallin
There a wall that I tried to take down
What I should have said just wouldnt pass my lips
So I held back and now we've come to this
And it too late now

What do I do now that your gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldnt say

This is how my Heart feels......dark clouds...stormy...no sun in sight...when will it end......I wonder...

I can't seem to get better...everyone says time will heal...they are so so WRONG!....If anything It seems to get worse...

HERE WE GO AGAIN..MORE DEATH IN 2012

Well here we are less than 2 weeks  into 2012 and death ...that cold heartless BITCH has decided to come back yet again..... My cousin Garry Bruce Kittrell age 45 passed away on Jan. 8,2012 at 6:15pm ...he joins my sister...who passed less than a year ago...his sister Missy who died in 2005 ... His father, and his 17 month old daughter who passed in 1989... Last year our family (mine and Scotty's)... lost 8 people in just a few months... 2011 was awful......and 2012 is starting off the same ol shitty  way