Feeling so great...I could almost swear I was gone from this earth...gone from all the worries,the sadness...the PAIN...then out of the blue CRASH!! POW!! I am slapped dead in the face by the reality that my little sister is gone....As of today we are 7 days away from when she got her wings at 6:15 pm..on Feb. 28,2011...The hardest thing I have ever in my life been through was watching as they checked for vital signs,tested her for some response to the "test" as they called it...that they were doing to see if any brain activity at all was detected..there was none...
AS I sat there on her bed..holing her hand, begging her to come back to me...I felt a part of myself die with her...This was someone who had been a part of my everyday life for 27 years....27 short years...not enough time for me...She had left me all alone...thoughts just kept repeating...racing through my mind they wouldn't stop....I could not shut it off....no matter how hard I tried...My little sister was gone,and she was not coming back....at least not in this lifetime....
Whitney had deciced to donate her organs while she was alive...signing the papers when she turned 18..Just like me. She was able to give the gift of life to three people who without her selfless act may have left this world also...Her liver ,both kidneys,and her pancreas..and her HEART...that golden heart..that heart who would give her last of anything to anyone who ask for it...even if she really wanted it for herself..she would give it to you if you ask for it...that heart still beats today...even in death she gave to others...I think back on our childhood, things we did,places we wnt...the day she told me she was pregnant ....Now I cherish every single memory I have..I am also so very thankful that the last words we said to each other was I love you..Tuesday March 1 2011 I spent the day in bed beside my sister...telling her I loved her...holding her hand...yes she had already been pronounced dead, but she was on life support waiting for them to line up the people who would get her organs..I talked to her all day....and I know she heard every word I said...I held her hand and talked to her about our childhood...I cried,and cried..Wed. March 2, 2011 was the day her organ donation surgery was schedlued...I stayed right there holding her hand...not wanting to let go...afraid to let go...afraid of goodbye...I could not let go...finally the time came, I had no choice I had to let go so she could go and save the lives of 3 other souls on this earth so that theit families would not have to deal with, at least not right now, the unbearable pain I was in..Once she was taken form the room...we were given a second to hug,cry,and grieve in her room.....Then we had to leave...walking down the hall, I collapsed . Scotty caught me before I hit the floor and held me,let me scream,cry, yell...I could barley breathe...the next few days were a BLUR ...I know family came in, calles,visited,ask if they could do anything...I only know this because people have told me this is how it happened....It still does not seem real...the viewing, the funeral...all seem like a bad movie that you just cant stop watching...you keep rewinding it...it replays in your head daily...there is a huge hole in my heart...it will never heal...it DOES NOT get easier..if anything it gets harder...especially when i look at her son...who looks and acts just like her...I know they say time heals all wounds but this awful,terriblewound will never,ever heal...
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